Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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