she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
