My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
