listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
