Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
