Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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