his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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