Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
