Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My vagina just recognized that song.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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