Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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