Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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