piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
