If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
