You really coming over, don't trick.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
