how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
