I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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