I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
