M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
