Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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