she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
