I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I've blown a few things in my day
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
