I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He kissed a someone with a penis
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
