just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
handjob tips. give me some.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
