She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
