I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You know, be my cock's hype man.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
