this boner is exhausting
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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