I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
