And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
