i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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