he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
