If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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