If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
