her vagine was all disorganized.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
