GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
