Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
