This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
