Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
