The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
