Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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