Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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