His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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