Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
