i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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