dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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