dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
