she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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