he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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