Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
