I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
