Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
