i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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