So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
