I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
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