I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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