Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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