He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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